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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28045983">Secret (Little Rendezvous)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/euhemeria/pseuds/euhemeria'>euhemeria</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And, In Sign of Ancient Love, Their Plighted Hands They Join [90]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Overwatch (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Closeted Character, Established Relationship, F/F, Love Languages</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:17:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,049</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28045983</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/euhemeria/pseuds/euhemeria</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She can find joy in the quiet little life she and Angela carve out for themselves when no one else is looking, one where in public they sit just a little too close, and make eye contact for just a little too long, and in private they lie awake at night talking about anything and everything.</p>
<p>Or,</p>
<p>Fareeha knows herself, she knows what she wants in a relationship, knows that she could never be happy dating someone who is not out—until, one day, she finds herself doing just that.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fareeha "Pharah" Amari/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And, In Sign of Ancient Love, Their Plighted Hands They Join [90]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/508281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Secret (Little Rendezvous)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigsleepy/gifts">bigsleepy</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>okay this was supposed to go up on day 2 of hanukkah but i am literally the worst at not procrastinating and then i got sucked into a convo abt how a (gentile) friend of mine could portray judaism respectfully in their own fic and i just kinda.  YEAH.</p>
<p>but u know, its still smtg!  i am posting smtg!  which is not nothing!  it is literally smtg!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Identity is a very tricky thing.  One’s inner being is unknowable to any but oneself, and so to choose a label, one created by others to describe broad swathes of people, and to say <em>this fits me, </em>is not always easy, particularly when one does not fit neatly into the categories society has created.  This, Fareeha is intimately aware of, always has been, as a mixed-race person.   Never has she been Native enough for white Canadians, given her strong sense of Egyptian identity and her faith, and never has she been Arab enough for other Egyptians, who have often considered her too Western, too Canadian.  Despite this, however, despite the ways in which her being has been pulled apart, and she has been treated as less than by people who ought to accept her, despite the fact that treatment like this eats at other people, Fareeha has always been the type to be sure in her identity.  Other people may not know what to do with Fareeha, may not know what to call her, but she knows who and what she is, always has.</p>
<p>Even in her teen years, she never had an identity crisis, not a big one, only wished that there was someone with whom she could share in this experience, someone who understood what it was to be Tlingit and Egyptian both at once.  She settled, instead, for befriending other mixed Arabs, other gay ones, who knew what it was to be told that being open about their sexuality was somehow a sign that they were ‘too Western,’ as if there were not gay people everywhere in the world, as if there were not centuries during which relationships between people of the same gender were more permissible in the Arab world than in Europe, as if the great poets did not write about the beauty of men, just as they did that of women.</p>
<p>(Her sexuality, she knows, has nothing to do with to whom she was born, or where she was raised—only the openness with which she approaches it.  Had she been fully Egyptian, those who call her too Western for her lesbianism would have still used the same excuse, when they found out, would have said that she was made so by the internet, by movies, by music.  The accusation of Western ideals, of white ones, has nothing to do with her race, really, and she knows that, now, but it stung, when she was younger, and her aunt warned her mother that Fareeha, already out to her parents, was in danger of <em>becoming </em>gay if she stayed with her father in Canada for too long.)</p>
<p>No matter what anyone says to her, Fareeha has always been certain of herself, known herself to be gay, and Native, and Egyptian, just as she has known herself to be confident, to be compassionate, to be candid.  Although the words which she chooses to use to describe herself were created by other people, her identity, and how she expresses it, has always belonged to her.  Her self has been her own, and although she happily shares it with the world, is not shy about declaring any part of her being, no one else’s opinion on whom she is, what she is, can change her own.</p>
<p>So it is a difficult thing, the beginning of her relationship with Angela, because Fareeha does not know what it is to be the sort of person for whom identity is a fluid thing, cannot understand what it must be like for Angela, adjusting so late in life to the idea that she is attracted to women.  If Fareeha were in Angela’s position, she is not certain what she would do, what she would say, knows only that she would insist that she must have always been attracted to women, on some level, and never noticed it, would be scouring her past for signs that such is the case, that it always has been.</p>
<p>But Angela is not Fareeha.  She is her own person, and one far less open about her identity, and far more open to said identity shifting over time.  If she is attracted to women today, she argues, that does not necessarily mean that she was attracted to them always.  It is possible, in her eyes, that her identity might change over time, that nothing about whom she is will last forever. </p>
<p>The concept is foreign to Fareeha, utterly so, in a way that makes her feel as if a part of herself is being threatened, challenged.</p>
<p>(This is not the case, of course.  Angela has never suggested that <em>Fareeha’s </em>identity might in any way be fluid, has not said that anyone else’s is.  All she has said that she herself was certainly not always attracted to women, but is now—or rather she is, at least, attracted to one woman.  She has expressed this as neither a negative nor positive thing, only a change to be navigated, an adjustment to be made in how she sees herself.  She is not, she argues, suddenly bisexual, either, because she does not find any man particularly attractive at the moment, and is not willing to state definitely whether she will or will not in the future.  It is something Fareeha will never understand, how comfortable Angela is with the fact that there are some things about herself which might be always unknowable, undefinable, when in so many other ways Angela needs to know things, needs to be sure of them.)</p>
<p>Ultimately, what Angela feels about herself is for her to decide, and if she believes her own sexuality to be fluid, that does not have to mean anything about Fareeha’s own identity, because Fareeha’s identity is hers and hers alone to define, and she is certain, always has been, of what and whom she is.</p>
<p>Still, Angela’s own uncertainty, her own shifting in identity, leaves Fareeha with questions—not about her sexuality, because she is a lesbian, has known that since before she ever knew the word lesbian, but about other parts of herself—because it is not a situation for which she has a script, not something which she knows how to handle.  Never has she dated anyone who was in any way closeted, like Angela is, presently, and once, Fareeha thought she never would, thought her own openness about her sexuality would preclude such a thing, that she would not be willing to accept keeping quiet about a relationship, about herself, for anyone.  Yet Angela has gone and changed that, and Fareeha does not know how she ought to feel about it.</p>
<p>This is not permanent, of course.  Angela has promised that, when she is ready, when she is sure what this relationship means for her, then they can tell their friends—and that is good, because Fareeha could not commit to forever like this, could not agree to never speak of the relationship they have, to keep silent and secret that which brings her joy.  Always, Fareeha has been the sort of person who wants to share her happiness with the world, and who wants to show off the good things in her life, wants everyone to know just how much she loves someone, or something.  It is a part of whom Fareeha is, of how she loves, that she feels the need to take pride in her relationships, in a way that others cannot ignore simply because it is inconvenient to them, somehow, that she not be straight.</p>
<p>Or, it was a part of whom she was.</p>
<p>Now, Fareeha is not so sure.  She thought that she needed that, needed everyone to know how happy she was in relationships with other women, needed to be able to prove that see, this does not make her any lesser, is not any worse a way to live.  She thought that, to be happy, to be her authentic self, it was necessary to show to the rest of the world that her love was as good, as powerful, as important as anyone else’s.</p>
<p>But now?  Here, alone, in Angela’s quarters?</p>
<p>Here, she knows that it will matter to her someday, that someone will know about them, that she will be able to share how important Angela has been to her, what this has meant to her, the ways this love has changed her, has nourished her, has uplifted her, but for now?  For now, she is happy where she is, alone with Angela, is happy not to say anything to anyone about this.  It is enough for her that one day, this will not be a secret, is enough for her to simply be with Angela, to be in this relationship with her whole heart, and to give herself over to the uncertainty which Angela has introduced into her life.</p>
<p>And that is a strange thing, for Fareeha.  So much of her life has been spent in absolute certainty, confident in the knowledge that, even if no one else understands her, she understands herself, knows that she is constant, is unchanging, is fundamentally herself. </p>
<p>To be uncertain, to change so, calls into question much of her identity, of the woman whom she once believed herself to be, and with that comes the space to falter, to hesitate, to worry that perhaps, she does not know herself so well after all.</p>
<p>None of this is helped by the fact that their relationship is proceeding in a way which is entirely unfamiliar to Fareeha, is nothing like any of the relationships she has been in before.</p>
<p>(Admittedly, Fareeha has not been in terribly many relationships.  Before Angela, Fareeha has only really had four girlfriends—including her first teenage love—but all of those relationships have, at least been substantial, have lasted two years or more.  So Fareeha is no stranger to love, even if she has, perhaps, dated fewer people than most.)</p>
<p>Although Fareeha would never say she has rushed to sex, in prior relationships, she also has never taken nearly this long to get to that point.  Despite the fact that Fareeha only ever has sex with people whom she feels she can trust—people she knows well—Fareeha has also only <em>dated </em>people she knows well, has only ever entered into a relationship with women whom she has known for some time already, and so it has unfolded naturally that sex and talk about love have followed a second or third date, in her life. </p>
<p>So it surprises Fareeha when, several months into their relationship, she and Angela still have not slept together.  Angela has, after all, had more sexual partners than she, <em>far </em>more, even if, from what Angela has said, all of them were at least several years prior to the two of them meeting. </p>
<p>(Fareeha has also slept with some people she has never dated, but they have exclusively been people whom she trusts enough to be vulnerable around, close friends and comrades whom she cares for, deeply, but knows she would not come to love, romantically.  She has never had casual sex, the way Angela has mentioned, when they discussed past sexual partners, has never had an anonymous encounter with a perfect stranger.  She does not think that there is anything wrong with such a thing, of course, but she cannot imagine being comfortable enough around a stranger to fully enjoy herself.)</p>
<p>Given this, Fareeha had thought that things between them might progress more quickly than they have, even when Angela told her, just as this was beginning, that she needed time to adjust to this, needed time to come to terms with what an attraction to Fareeha meant for her, romantically and sexually.  After all, Angela told Fareeha that she loved her before the two of them ever decided that they ought to try dating, and surely sex is lower stakes than love.</p>
<p>But it is more complicated than that, is more complicated than trusting another person enough to be vulnerable around them, to be intimate with them, in every sense of the word.  Even if Angela can accept that she wants this, in every way, wants for their relationship to be a sexual one, even if she can trust Fareeha like that—it does not mean that she is comfortable enough, yet, with herself to allow such a thing.  That is, Fareeha thinks, the real hang-up here; before she and Angela met, Angela had spent several years celibate entirely by choice, has explained that she was not in the right headspace to want to pursue a sexual relationship with anyone, and Fareeha strongly suspects that whatever caused that change in Angela, whatever the source of that discomfort was, is not something that can be simply willed away, is not something that even Fareeha’s love can change.</p>
<p>To respect that Angela needs time, therefore, is something Fareeha is able to do, something that she can understand without feeling it an affront, in any way, to herself, without worrying that it reflects somehow on their love or their relationship.  This is about Angela’s relationship to herself, and not her relationship to Fareeha, and far be it from Fareeha to try and change such a thing.  In the beginning, she told Angela she would wait for as long as was necessary, and that is no less true now, five months later, than it was the day she said it.</p>
<p>What is different is this: as time has gone on, and things have progressed differently from how Fareeha imagined, she has had to reevaluate how she herself exists in relationships.</p>
<p>For a long time, Fareeha thought of herself as being good at relationships, good <em>in </em>relationships.  Her most recent ex disabused her of that notion thoroughly, told Fareeha that she always felt she came in second to her work, that she felt shut out, when Ana ‘died,’ and Fareeha turned to pulling longer hours, putting in extra shifts, rather than discussing her feelings, talking about why her mother’s loss left her feeling herself at a loss, too.  Even before Fareeha found out her mother was alive, something she genuinely could not have talked about, she decided to deal with her emotions privately, her grief privately, rather than to share what it was she was feeling, and she let herself be changed, profoundly, without ever once giving her then-love a view into what it was that was causing such a change, what it might mean when the dust settled.  She rebuilt her life entirely without a second thought to the woman she supposedly shared that life with, and was surprised when, as she emerged at the other end of that transformation, her partner was not willing to welcome back the new Fareeha with open arms.  So Fareeha has been bad at relationships, in that way, very bad at them, bad at the part which asks her to give over something of herself to another person.</p>
<p>Always, she has been good at supporting others, and for a time she thought that was enough, that all she had to do was be there for her partner when they needed her.  It did not occur to her, until after that mistake, that her partners needed, too, to be and to feel needed, as Fareeha herself does.</p>
<p>Here, in this relationship with Angela, Fareeha is trying to be better at that, trying to allow herself to need Angela, but it is not an easy thing.  Fortunately, Angela, too, is not good at needing Fareeha, not good at allowing herself to rely on other people for things, and so Fareeha does not think that she will be faulted for her own struggles with asking for help.  She will not, either, be accused of overworking herself, not when she and Angela both agreed, before they ever entered into a relationship, that one day, if Overwatch was not what Angela thought it ought to be, was not a place where she felt she was best able to help others, that she would leave, even if that meant leaving Fareeha—because her work came before any personal relationships.</p>
<p>(That is something Fareeha can respect.  So much of whom Fareeha is, whom she sees herself as, has always been tied to her mother’s legacy, to her own desire to continue on the family tradition of protecting those who need their protection, her identity as a guardian of all that is right and just.  She would not give that up for anything, for anyone, and that part of herself is tied to her career.  So she does not fault Angela for feeling similarly, appreciates the honesty, and breathes a bit easier knowing that her own love for her work will not come between them.)</p>
<p>Still, Fareeha finds herself struggling to identify how she can best be what Angela needs in a lover.  They are, both of them, stubbornly independent, and so it is difficult to integrate their lives, and more difficult still for Fareeha, who has always thought of herself as being, if not good at vulnerability, then at least as being good at connecting to her partners in other ways, good at allowing sex to bridge a gap which conversation does not.  Now, she cannot use sex as a crutch, cannot use allowing her partner to hold her tenderly as a way of easily communicating that she wants—needs—that support from them, cannot kiss her partner so deeply, so intimately, that she knows, in that moment, that they are feeling the same things at the same time, cannot put Angela’s palm to her chest over her racing heart, and look her in the eyes, and know that Angela knows, then, how deeply she moves Fareeha, how much she impacts her.</p>
<p>It is quite the problem. </p>
<p>There are, of course, other ways to communicate, other ways to be intimate, but Fareeha has not usually used those, and adjusting to doing so is taking time, is seriously challenging Fareeha’s assumptions about herself as being a good communicator, a good lover.</p>
<p>For Angela, it seems to come more naturally, showing love in other ways.  Always, when she needs something, Angela is there, and although Angela never <em>says </em>anything, only listens, when Fareeha needs her to, or sits in silence, letting the emptiness speak for itself, or fills the space in some other way, by cooking, or burning a candle, or being so near to Fareeha that the heat of her body is there, when Fareeha needs to not feel alone, and her hand is in reach, if Fareeha needs to hold it.  Intuitively, Angela seems to know what will best soothe Fareeha.  When Angela needs her, though, Fareeha feels she flounders. </p>
<p>She likes to fill silence, likes to speak, and Angela often has no words to discuss whatever it is that troubles her.  She cannot cook well, either, or at least, not as well as Angela can, cannot offer her simple comforts as a substitute for sweet words.  And while Fareeha is good at holding people, when they need her to, good at kissing them, at letting them say with their bodies what they cannot put into words, she cannot do it with Angela—not always.</p>
<p>So she is having to get creative, finding ways to communicate to Angela that she is here, if she is needed, ways to show Angela that she is loved, that she is cherished.</p>
<p>When they are alone, it is easiest, because Angela will respond, then, if Fareeha kisses her, allows the touch, and seems, too, to even enjoy it, and she does like to be held, to be hugged—but only in certain situations.  If they are standing, it is fine for Fareeha to hug Angela, and when she is sitting, she can pull Angela to her, most of the time, unless Angela’s knees are tucked up towards her chest, because then Fareeha knows that she will not be receptive, will stiffen instead, or jerk away.  On the rare times that Fareeha convinces Angela to lie beside her—just relaxing in bed as they pass the time, or outside watching the stars, the clouds—she knows that Angela will not want to be held, will not accept that such a touch is innocent, even though it is, it <em>is</em>.</p>
<p>(Later, much later, Angela will tell Fareeha that it had nothing at all to do with thinking Fareeha would want that touch to lead to something more.  In fact, Angela was afraid that she, and not Fareeha, would be the one to initiate something, if held like that, would want to do too much too quickly, before she was certain she was ready, and mess things up between them.  Fareeha, she always trusted.  It is past them then, far past them, but Fareeha still feels better for hearing it.)</p>
<p>So Fareeha learns a different sort of language, learns to accommodate Angela in other ways—not because Angela needs someone to care for her, specifically, but because Fareeha needs, herself, to feel like she is good at this, at loving someone, at taking care of them, for if she can do that, she thinks it will be easier to allow herself to be taken care of, too, should the need arise, and because it is important to her, to her sense of self, that she be good at this.  Fareeha is the sort of person whose love is as good, as healing, as anyone else’s love.</p>
<p>If she cannot prove it to other people, she can at least prove it to herself.</p>
<p>Still, it is not easy.  In public, Angela does not like for Fareeha to so much as hold her hand, to run her thumb in comforting circles on the inside of her palm like she did before they were a couple, when she noticed Angela was nervous—because it is different, somehow, now that they are together, is different because Angela sees the gesture in a new light, and worries that others will, too, will see that what was between them was always romantic love, and not friendship.  Instead, Fareeha can do nothing, can only wait until they are alone, again, at the end of the day, when one of them has snuck into the other’s quarters, and they can finally stop pretending. </p>
<p>That is difficult, is a sort of helplessness—and Fareeha is not helpless.  That is something she refuses to accept into her identity.  That she is not good at all ways of communicating, she can accept, that she is not the sort of person who needs for her relationships to be public, to announce her love to the world, she is coming to terms with, but helplessness is, for her, a bridge too far.</p>
<p>So she finds other ways to help Angela, in the day to day, a hundred little things she can do if she sees that Angela is having a hard day, and she knows she cannot kiss Angela, cannot hold her, cannot even take her hand and squeeze it reassuringly.  It is a new way of loving she is building for herself, for the both of them, as she makes sure, when she knows Angela is in the middle of a long surgery, that there will be enough Epsom salt to soak her feet in afterwards.  It is a different sort of comfort she brings, when she removes the brightest of her décor from the living room of her quarters, knowing that Angela likes to nap on her couch, sometimes, while Fareeha is reading, and that Angela’s own quarters—particularly her bedroom—are far less colorful, because she claims it is easier to sleep with less sensory stimulation.  It is communication, of a different sort, when Fareeha buys a second pair of house slippers to leave by her door, so Angela’s feet will not have to be bare inside Fareeha’s quarters as fall turns to winter.</p>
<p>She learns, too, how better to touch Angela, learns that in lieu of a kiss, Angela prefers sometimes just to touch their foreheads to one another, to breathe the same air, to feel their skin on one another, and to exist in silence.  She learns that, when they nap together, Angela likes to hold her, and so she gets used to sleeping on her back, rather than her side, so that Angela can do so, because Fareeha does not like to be held from behind, but learns that she does like the comforting pressure of one of Angela’s legs thrown across her own.  She learns how to tilt her head, when they do kiss one another, so that Angela can control the depth of the kiss, the intensity of it—and learns that when she does so, things tend to go further than the point at which she herself might have stopped them.</p>
<p>(She learns that Angela has no objections at all to touching her, only gets skittish when Fareeha’s hands slip under her own clothes.  She learns that Angela likes to draw little noises from her, kisses her more deeply whenever Fareeha lets out a gasp or a groan.  She learns that sometimes, foreplay does not need to be going anywhere to be fun.)</p>
<p>It does not come easily to Fareeha, learning to communicate with Angela in a way that works for the both of them, does not come naturally to her to use little gestures to communicate her feelings, rather than sex, or the type of frank, open communication which both she and Angela struggle with, the kind that demands vulnerability—the kind which, in the past, she avoided entirely, and told herself that she did not need to engage in, because she is good at navigating others’ vulnerabilities, good enough that she thought it could make up for never disclosing her own—but it is getting easier, over time.  She is learning the myriad ways in which she can speak without ever saying a word.</p>
<p>(And they are getting better at talking, too, they are.  It is a slow process, but once Fareeha breaks down and tells Angela that she needs to know how to help her, needs for Angela to tell her when she needs something, needs for them both to be able to say that they want support, sometimes, once they are past that hurdle, it gets easier to talk, easier to ask for what she needs, and to trust that Angela will do the same.)</p>
<p>This is not the sort of lover Fareeha once thought she was, not the sort of love Fareeha once dreamed she would have, but it is good, nonetheless, and more than just that.  There is a comfort in knowing that not everything in this love has come easily to them—that for as natural as it feels to be in love with Angela, it is not always easy to put that love into practice—because in the past, when Fareeha’s relationships failed, it was always when things changed, became difficult.  When talking was easy, she was a good lover, a great one, but when things got hard, she faltered, she withdrew.  With Angela, Fareeha knows she will not do that, because this situation began as something which did not come easily to her, and is becoming instead more natural over time.</p>
<p>Their love can adapt as they grow and change—it is already doing so.</p>
<p>Perhaps, then, it is not such a bad thing after all, that Fareeha’s perception of herself has changed somewhat, with this relationship, that she has learned that she is not the sort of person who needs to be out in order to be happy, who needs to prove something to the world.  It is good, to know that her love alone can be enough for her, that she can find joy in the quiet little life she and Angela carve out for themselves when no one else is looking, one where in public they sit just a little too close, and make eye contact for just a little too long, and in private they lie awake at night talking about anything and everything, and maybe they do not have sex, yet, but they kiss each other so tenderly, so intimately, that Fareeha does not mind all that much.</p>
<p>(After Angela slips out for the night, heads back to her own quarters, Fareeha swears she can still feel where lips touched her skin, the ghost of the kiss not yet passed, and she focuses on that as she touches herself.  It is enough for her—more than enough.  If this is all she ever has, she thinks she could still content herself with it.)</p>
<p>Only a handful of years ago, Fareeha would not have imagined this sort of life for herself, this sort of love.  She would have insisted that she would need a woman more like herself—certain, always, of whom she is, and proud of that fact.  Fareeha never could have foreseen that she would change her mind about anything relating to her identity, about the parts of it that matter to her, could never imagine that she would no longer identify, specifically, as an <em>out </em>lesbian, would accept that even if she has never been closeted, and never will be, that she could nevertheless be in a relationship which is not public, with a person who is not ready, yet, to be out.</p>
<p>Her past self might have thought it a betrayal of Fareeha’s principles, of her identity, but in the moment, Fareeha knows that could not be further from the truth.  For the first time since she was a teenager, she is truly not worrying about what other people think about her relationships, does not feel any pressure to show that her love can be just as fulfilling as anyone else’s, to prove that she can be just as tender, as passionate, as committed, as any straight person could be. </p>
<p>Fareeha’s relationship with Angela is something unknowable to anyone but them, is something only they can take and say <em>this fits us.  </em>The boundaries of what they have are not as clear as the identities Fareeha carved for herself, are not as immutable, but in this case, Fareeha thinks they might be better for it.</p>
<p>Fareeha has always known whom and what she is, and right now?</p>
<p>Right now, she is happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"ur gay bc ur too western/mainstream american" is a real speech i SWEAR.  my grandma says she accepts me as i am these days but i know in her heart of hearts she still thinks where i grew up has more to do w my identity than anything else laksjdflaksdjfka.  nobody tell her that gay ppl are born everywhere</p>
<p>anyway, as u all know from the rest of this series, fareeha and angela do eventually 1) bone and 2) transition to being a fully-out couple.  but for a little while, it looked like neither might ever happen, and that was okay, too</p>
<p>hope u all enjoyed this, and got more sleep than me!  id love to know ur thoughts</p></blockquote></div></div>
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